Parenting Together
Where does parenting together start?
Parenting starts with the mindset that you are a team.
- The earlier you decide on how to share the parenting load, the better.
During pregnancy, a couple no doubt chooses baby products together and talks about their future child. However, this is also the perfect time to talk about what sharing the parenting load will look like. Talk to each other beforehand about what roles you will play when your baby is born. If you haven't talked about roles yet, today is the perfect day to start.
- Sharing the load
First, write down everything you do at home during the day. Then, divide it into baby-related tasks (bathing, playing, sterilizing bottles, etc.) and daily tasks (preparing meals, cleaning, etc.). Each household may have different tasks to do and different times available. The important part of this exercise is to figure out what needs to be done while adding a child (or children) to the workload.
- How to understand each other while being parents
Both those who stay home to care for children and those who go to work have their own adaptations and challenges. Ask your spouse questions about their day-to-day life, such as “How has work been?” or “Is there anything that has been troubling you?” This way, you can converse with each other as spouses and share your lives together while raising your child.
Benefits of parenting together
By parenting together, how will your benefit?
- First, it will reduce the one-sided parenting load and strengthen your relationship.
When a couple raises a child together, the burden of raising a child alone is reduced. It can also help you share and understand the difficulties your partner may face while raising your child. Further, it can reduce conflict between you and your spouse. Studies show that the more a father is involved in child-rearing, the less conflict there is, fostering a better relationship between the parents. Parents can discuss and share child-related decisions and raise their child in a unified way with a common philosophy they both share.
- Second, a child grows twice as fast when playing separately with mom and dad.
Mom and dad have different play styles, and children who experience both have greater benefits. Various play-related experiences have a positive impact, expanding the child’s thinking and relationships. In addition, they increase intimacy within a family. In cases where both parents cannot live together depending on the circumstances, adults, such as grandparents or relatives who help with childcare, can take on that role
- Third, fostering attachment with both parents results in a happier family.
The attachment you form with your child by spending time with them lasts a lifetime. The relationship formed during infancy is important not only from the child's perspective but also from the father's perspective. It allows the child to communicate with their father and come to realize that their father will stay by their side as they grow up. Additionally, a father's involvement in raising his child can improve the relationship with his wife and increase the satisfaction he feels as a parent.
Tips for successful co-parenting
- First, parenting together means doing everything together.
Both childcare and household chores should be done together. Households with infants have a lot of chores to do, such as cleaning, laundry, preparing baby food, and meal prep. Sharing household chores allows you to spend more time with your baby and raise them in a healthy environment.
- Second, spend more time alone with your baby.
As a father, have you been responsible for caring for your child for a full 24-hour period? Try to find time to share in feeding, dressing, changing diapers, bathing, and putting them to bed. It may not be easy if you’re not used to solo parenting, but the bond between a father and child can grow stronger when the father parents without the mother present. This can help fathers realize the importance of spending time with the baby.
- Third, each parenting style has its own strengths.
A parenting style that brings out the fatherly side of your partner can often help your baby grow. Though it may seem like he is inadequate or different to part with your baby from your point of view as a mother, you have to trust him and leave the baby in his care. If he lacks basic parenting knowledge, gently discuss the important parts in a more relaxed manner. Forcing or directing your partner to follow your style may diminish the effectiveness of his role as a father.
- Fourth, parenting decisions should be made jointly.
Fathers aren’t just there for play. They should have an active role in thinking about and deciding on your child’s upbringing. There are plenty of decisions to be made as your baby grows! When parents make these decisions together, it truly defines the role as “mother” and “father” who are equally responsible for parenting.
(Source : Ministry of Gender Equality and Family’s Official Blog: The Importance of Parents Parenting Together)